Hello world!
Last week, as many of you know, my nose was broken in a weekend retreat. But there's a lot more to the story that I'd like to share.
The retreat was for young men between 14 and 20 sponsored by YMUW (Young Men's Ultimate Weekend). This is a group of men who are committed to helping young men become the best they can be. The mission of the YMUW is: "... to mentor young men to live life with integrity, to give and get respect, to master their energy, and to interact with their family and community by modeling honorable, confident behaviors so that they can become responsible and moral adults."
The weekend is all about men modeling proper behavior, setting expectations for young men and modeling the way that men should talk with men. (Yes, ladies, there is a special type of "man talk" that we "get" and you may not. And, of course, we hope to model the behavior to communicate with women. But that's a story for a different time.) The young men come from the gamut of socio-economic statuses, races and religions. No young man is turned down from the weekend. Of course, this can bring about significant issues as the young men are combined into small groups.
NOTE: Why am I participating in YMUW?
As I look back on my life, I have taken the opportunity to look back on my life and review the choices I've made and how they've affected the people around me. I believe that there are many choices I would have made differently if I had the support and guidance of strong male role models. That's not to say I didn't have any. My father is my hero. But I was strong-willed and hard-headed. As are many young men today. Early in teens and early 20's I chose to "push away" from others. I had some very "American" beliefs: "I can do anything"; "I can have anything and everything I choose"; "I don't need anybody to get what I want".
I was wrong.I'm embarrassed and sometimes ashamed by the "wake" I've left behind as a result of acting on these beliefs. Don't we all have skeletons! But I've changed the core beliefs from which I run my life. And now, I'm proud of the people in my life - my wife, family and friends - and my relationships with them. I believe I am becoming the man that God wanted me to be. I hope that this "rebirth" enables me to communicate with young men about the dangers of living with those previously held beliefs.
Anyway the weekend is filled - from morning until the early hours of the morning - with a series of tasks and activities designed to build trust and teamwork. The men conduct a series of activities that build trust with the young men. During the weekend we have a "trust fall", wherein the young man closes his eyes and falls back into the arms of men who have joined their arms together to ensure the young man's safety.
As one of the young men - who had come from a disadvantaged background and had serious trust issues - fell back he reached out in fear and hit my nose with his elbow. SNAP! And then I saw stars! But I didn't let go of the other men holding the young man up, until we gently let him down. My thoughts were about how this young man needs to know that he can trust and rely on other men.
I'm told that the young man was deeply affected by this simple act. He'd never been supported by other men in his life. He became a leader during the rest of the weekend. (Although I don't know first hand because I had to be driven out of the mountains on a winding, dirt road for a mile and a half, then through 3 miles of winding road and to the emergency room. But that's another story.)
What I do know is that the event has triggered significant feelings for me. As I got home from the emergency hospital at 3am, I texted my fellow men the following:
Hey there. Hope you get this early Sunday... Nose is broken but I'm home breathing through it and all is well. To the team i send my strength. To the young men i send hope love and a challenge: crap happens. How you choose to embrace it will define your life. Be the man God intends you to be. My love and energy to all the men there.
For those of you who have stayed and read this rambling post, I thank you. I believe in what I texted in the early hours of last Sunday morning: Crap happens. But if used well, it can heal a heart.
It's our choice.
Best to you,
Jim HerreraFollow me ontwitter - http://twitter.com/jbherrera
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